My dad fathered two children in Indonesia

My father once said to me when I was young: "There's something I want to tell you later, but that will come." At that time I thought: what will it be about, something with my grandfather or whatever? Twelve years ago, I was 45 years old, I came to visit my parents. They sat together at the table, my father and my mother. "Come on dad, tell it now," my mother said. And so the story finally came out. My dad faterhed two children during his military service in Indonesia two children. My mother knew all along. They have never ever talked about it with us, my sister and me.

My father was in Indonesia from late 1946 (or early 1947) until the end of 1949, as far as I know now, for military service. My parents were engaged when he left. When he was gone for about half a year, my parents married 'by proxy’. Marrying was financially advantageous at that time, as a married soldier received more pay, and so they could already start saving money for furniture and stuff. They wrote each other regularly, but suddenly there were no more letters from the Dutch East Indies. My aunt once said to my mother: "It may well be that he has another girl. He has to stay there such a long time!"

When my father came back from Indonesia, he immediately told my mom. He had met a girl, and fathered a child with her. He also knew that baby. His girl was even pregnant with the second, when he departed from Indonesia to the Netherlands.

My parents have never told anyone. My mother was seven years older than my father, and at that time it was very difficult for the rest of his family. Now this would be a next problem. My mother did not want to lose my father, they have always had a good marriage together until the last stand. So they have kept this a secret all these years.

After my parents had told me at last, I have discussed the matter several times with my dad. It seemed as if he, as he grew older, was getting confidential more and more. He had met the girl because she was a domestic worker in the military. According to him, she was crazy about him. They called her Mary or something, an English sounding name. It was never his intention that a child would be born. He said the women knew and used various remedies to prevent pregnancy. He had just relied on this thought.

Their first child was a boy. It lived with his girlfriend's parents and was raised by them. He has seen it once and it looked exactly like him. The same eyes. There was no doubt that the child was his. And his girlfriend was very happy with the baby. When he saw his son, the child was wearing nice clothes. They were obviously very pleased with the boy. Their relationship was apparently going on, because she finally got pregnant for the second time.

When my father departed from Indonesia, his girl had not yet given birth, she went back to the camp to find him and maybe wave him goodbye. But my father did not have the heart to meet her, he did not dare to be confronted with her grief. He was 24 years.

I had to promise my parents at that time that I would do nothing until my father would have deceased. And now it's so far. I'm very curious about those two kids. Oddly enough, I always wanted to have a big brother, I fantasized about it sometimes. But I have indeed an older brother! And someone else, I do not know if this is a sister or a brother, because my father has not seen the birth. None of us knows whether they are still alive, and if so, how they are doing nowadays.

I have my father's army number. Early 2010 I wrote a letter to the Dutch Ministry of Defense to request a survey of the places he has been stationed. That is my only clue. To get that information, you have to send a death certificate, what I did. I thought: “Now I can finally start searching.” I actually received the survey. But I did not get much wiser. I know now that he has been in Jakarta for example. But for how long? And where exactly has he been? Jakarta is great. That kind of information I was not able to ascertain. So it gives no guidance on where he might have met a girl, having known her long enough to father two kids.

I finally decided not to continue the search. Maybe I don’t want to meet the other kids of my dad. We have had nothing in common for sixty years. It will also not come, I suppose. I do not know what I should expect from it, so I let it rest. After all those years of curiosity, yes. But I am now at peace with this decision.

L.

Name and contact address of L. are known by the editorial of this website.

Do you (probably) have a half brother or half sister in Indonesia, fathered by your father when he was a military man in Indonesia in the period 1945 - 1950? Or did your father ever tell you about this? Please let us know! Contact us