Confession during an Indonesian meal

It began with compassion for a pregnant girl who was abandoned by a soldier. But one thing led to another, and history repeated itself. Now, 60 years later, he has a hard time. He would love to get to know his abandoned daughter. But where is she?

The confession of a secret

"I stopped working in the eighties and was once having dinner with my son and daughter in an Indonesian restaurant. For the first time I told the whole story about my relationship with a girl in the Dutch East Indies during my military service and how this led to having a daughter. My son responded positively, he was interested in my experience. He informed my other children and we had a family meeting. The news hit my wife hard. She struggled with the fact that I had been silent on the matter. That I had not told her when we first got acquainted.
But the village I came from was a very closed community. There would have been no consideration for what had happened. I had wished to marry her but I could not have lived with a colored woman, she would never be accepted. If I had pursued, I would have had to enter military service again and abandon my family while they needed me.

It began with compassion

I met her because I was concerned about her fate. There was not much to do around the camp where I was located. So I went for walks into nature with my mate when we arrived in a village some day where we ended up talking to two girls. One of them was pregnant  and when I asked where her husband was she told that he got back to his homeland. But he would come back for her. During the war in the Dutch East Indies he was stationed there. We kept on visiting them but the foreign military the father did not show up while the date of delivery approached. I thought it was not not appropriate for a woman alone to give birth in a hut and decided to call for help. I arranged that she could give birth in a civil hospital. All went well, but the care of the baby was not easy for her.
The child came into this world in unfavourable circumstances. I tried to help. When the baby cried or was sick again, she did not want to stay alone, I had to wait until he had fallen asleep. She clung to me and I was not certain about my future. I gave in. One thing led to another, we fell in love and at one point she was pregnant again. I did not want to leave her and was willing to take my responsibility as a parent, but then we were separated.

A new life

I had not much of a relationship with my commander because I had expressed my dissatisfaction about the cancellation of a promised education. Then one day I had to report. He asked what I was going to do with the girl who was pregnant with me. When I replied that later I was going to get her over he responded: "Forget the whole story, you go to Holland, you go home '. And that was the end of it off. You could not say, "No, I do not." Because you are a subordinate officer and you are not supposed to oppose. So I was transferred and later I returned to the Netherlands.
In the Netherlands, I erased all traces of the relationship. I started to build a new life, I took a course, found work, married and founded a family. More and more the memory of her and her two children faded to the background. I only discussed the subject occasionally with my mate with whom I was stationed before.

Remorse

Only in the eighties, when I was tracked down by a reunion committee, my military service started to revive in my mind. I attended reunions, but these things were never discussed. Gradually my need to talk openly about things increased. Partly because of the interest and support of my son it became more important to me. I have wonderful kids, but I have one great wish: to meet my daughter. To know what happened to her, how she grew up. The thought that I may never know hurts."